I had a really bad panic attack today leaving work, something I haven’t experienced in months. One of those tight chest, brink of tears kind of feelings that hits out of nowhere and feels completely crippling. I still feel really out of sorts and sad and I don’t like it. One of the things that triggered this bout is now resolved but I’ve still got this dark feeling in my chest that I just can’t shake. 

We sublet our office at the moment and one of the guys who works for the other company asked me today if I ever woke up dreading work so much that I would rather die than come in that morning. I may be underpaid, work ridiculously long hours and have no social life but I never don’t want to go to work. I felt really sad for him. He’s barely out of college and already hates his job so much he said he’d rather be an inanimate object than be there. That’s not a life.

I worry a lot about the state of my life (as it’s a weird complicated place where work and myself bleed into one another and I feel very stunted in some places, left out in others, and feeling more and more reclusive every day) but at least I’m not as sad as he is. I don’t think I could handle feeling like that.

Everything is okay. Everything is stressful, hectic, crazy, lonely, loved, under appreciated, overwhelming, smothered, exciting, and nervewracking.  But okay.

  1. Camera: Photo Booth
  1. divebarlifeguard said: Hope you’re feeling better! I know how this goes :(
  2. shanetron said: "…rather be an inanimate object than be there." is my yearbook status, but really though, i feel the same way about my job. it’s just this thing that takes up my time, prevents me from being mildly useful, and i get nothing but money out of.
  3. dogganghappened said: i had a few last night, it made it hard to sleep. today was a bit much considering i didn’t really rest. i’ve been on edge all day, and cannot wait for the weekend! glad you’re doing okay now.
  4. lovelyolivia said: Being a grown up sucks. Hugs.
  5. displacedsnail said: At least yr tattoo looks great!
  6. toothoutoflinee said: Feel better Mandy<3
  7. fakedick said: Chin up, bucko.
  8. continuants posted this